Strength in my soul

“On the day I called, You answered me; You made me bold with strength in my soul” (Psalm 138:3).

August and September were rough months. Granted, they were the aptly (yet tritely) named first-world-problems, yet they were all too real for me. Trouble selling our home due to identity theft, ridiculous problems with health insurance, two herniated discs in my back causing near constant pain, false alarm of a mass on my kidney, self-induced stress from way too many commitments, layoffs at work, and the third anniversary of my mother’s death.

“Lord,” I prayed, “You clearly have overestimated my ability to deal with all this.”

Actually, I was the one who’d overestimated my ability. He was just waiting for me to recognize it.

I read Psalm 138:3, and He spoke clearly to me. In Hebrew, “You answered me” means that God eyed me, or paid attention to me in order to respond. “You made me bold” means that He urged me severely–God importuned me. “With strength in my soul” means my soul–my breath, my vitality–is to behave with strength, boldness, majesty, praise, loudness, and might.

“Cindy,” He told me through His word, “I see you. I hear you. I know you. And I am telling you that in Me you have everything you need to behave differently. You don’t need to shrink and be overwhelmed. You are my daughter and an heiress, and you must see and act with boldness. Live in the majesty of one I have created, one whom I love, and one whom I have given salvation and life. Be bold with strength in your soul, my daughter.”

So much from one little verse. I thought of the song that says, “When I can’t stand up, I’ll fall on You.” I remembered all the times He has raised me up, has provided and cared for me. I lifted tear-filled, exhausted eyes to Heaven, and I gave in. “Fill me, Lord,” I prayed. “Make me bold with strength in my soul.”

How does one live the transcendent life? How do we turn from self-pity to majestic abandon? “On the day I called….” Do I call Him every day? I must call His name, shouting if necessary, every single day of my life. With careless abandon, with everything that is in me, I must call.

When I do, He answers. He makes me bold, with strength in my soul. Praise You, my Father, for You are faithful. Let me faithfully call upon You.

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